1. Chocolate is not my friend. Not because I don't like him, but I don't like the people he hangs around with... namely heartburn and indigestion.
2. My ankles and my calves have had a love child... her name is CANKLE.
3. "You're carrying like a girl" (i.e. you look FAT from behind now too) is the cruelest phrase in the English language.
4. "You're still here" (i.e. you haven't had that baby yet???) comes in a close second.